“But What Were you Wearing?”

Trigger warning: Rape and Sexual assault.

Rape culture is a thing. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Rape isn’t just a storyline for a Law and Order episode. It isn’t something we should be so ashamed to talk about. Rape is real. The idea that a man would get so frustrated by rejection that he decides to force a woman and then some how the woman gets blamed because she had a skirt on is beyond me. I think the worst part is when other women victim blame. Rape culture basically makes rape okay and seem like the norm. Women don’t ever want to come forward. Isn’t it weird that a man will do something illegal, something without the woman’s consent and some how in this weird twisted world we live in, it’s her fault. You would think that a message like no is no, would be clear as day, but its not. I have been a victim of rape. I have been a victim of sexual assault. I never came forward. It’s so normalized for men to rape that when my friends and I talk about our experiences, we talk about it like it’s not the most horrifying thing that can happen to us. We’ve been conditioned to normalize the most disgusting act in the world. What in the actual fuck is wrong with the world. Men will sexualize children and people will tell the child to stop doing things that draw the mans attention. We have to get rid of that shit. It’s not okay. You’d think telling a man not to rape would be simple. But no, I have to dumb it down because society refuses to tell men that shit isn’t okay.

Children– YOUR CHILD DOES NOT HAVE TO CHANGE TO MAKE A MAN COMFORTABLE. Have your parents ever told you “go put different clothes on your uncle is coming over?” We made that shit okay. The truth is that isn’t okay. If you have to ask your child to change what they are wearing in fear that the man you have coming over is going to sexualize them otherwise, then you need to protect your child and not let that man come over. We as adults, have to stop shielding creepy men. If you’re a grown man, you shouldn’t sexualize children. That’s it. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. It should not be done. Children are off limits. If you fear that a man is going to be a creep if your child has shorts on in their house, then your home needs to be off limits. We protect men more than we protect children. How is that even acceptable. How can we possibly sit here and say “well i disagree a child shouldn’t be wearing this and that” I mean yes, some items of clothing should be reserved for older women, just because a child, is a child and should have fun and dress like one, but not because you need to help a gross man not be gross. If an alcoholic doesn’t want to have a drink, they shouldn’t go to a bar. The bar shouldn’t get rid of their liquor because you have a problem. If your child complains about an uncle or a family friend making them uncomfortable, believe them.

Teenagers– This is the years where creepy men sexualize girls the most. Girls start going through puberty and they start developing more mature features. You’re understanding your body more and alot of girls like to explore their fashion sense from graphic tees with butterlies into the juniors section at kohls. Those clothes come a little more exposed. Men weirdly like the idea of a child, looking like a woman. Don’t ask a teenager not to experiment with her fashion and get to know her style because a man is going to sexualize her. This is the age where we learn how to dress. It is not a teenagers fault that men are creepy. Mothers have a terrible habit of telling their daughters to cover up, because of men. For centuries, teenage girl are told to sheild themselves because nobody is brave enough to tell men to not be weirdos and go for women their own age. At 13 I was molested by a family friend. I am 30 years old and I still get super nervous anytime he’s around. At a young age we’re forced to say hi to uncles and family friends and men who are around even if they creep us out because our parents care more about us not having poor manners than they care about us feeling uncomfortable around a grown man.

Young Adults– In my opinion, this is the age where things get more handsy. College, parties, more liberty. Your older teenage years and early 20s are the years where you are less around your parents. A girl should be fully allowed to get shit faced drunk at a party and not have to worry about a boy taking advantage of her. The only thing she should worry about is the hangover she will have to endure for not knowing her limits. We don’t ever teach boys to protect girls who can’t take care of themselves. We put the responsibility on the woman to not only take care of herself, but also make sure she protects a man by not tempting him to rape her. When you hear that a girl was on drugs or drunk, it completely voids her credibility and we believe the abuser. Does it not count if you’re under the influence? A man still forced himself on you no ? That’s rape. Having sex with someone without consent, is rape. There’s no fine print, I say no, it’s rape. If i cannot say yes because I am incapable of speaking (drunk, on drugs, etc blah blah) then it’s still no. It’s so simple and yet some how we allow men to find a loophole in raping young women. Young boys barely ever pay for their crimes. Society never wants to ruin these boys futures by having a rape charge. Those girls will never be the same after any type of sexual assault, but because it doesn’t go on their record, it’s not ruining their lives as it would the star football player.

Women– I can write a post on grown women and rape culture alone. Women are the biggest victim blamers. “well she shouldn’t have tempted him” “well she shouldn’t have worn that.” “well she slept with him once so it was okay the second time” I was raped by a man I had slept with before. He forced himself on me and I repeatedly asked him to please get off of me. I said no a few times before hand and during. I was crying. He was way bigger than me and as much as I tried to push him off, I couldn’t. Someone told me it wasn’t rape because we had slept together before and I put myself in a situation where I was alone with him. A woman told me that. Grown women are allowed to not want to sleep with you even if they have slept with you before. It doesn’t matter how many guys she’s slept with. It doesn’t matter the type of pictures she posts on her instagram. If a woman does not want to sleep with you, she does not have to sleep with you. That’s it. End of story. A woman who shames another woman, or agrees with a man raping a woman because of what she had on, or because of how she carries herself, is pretty gross and if you’re a woman reading this and you’ve shamed a woman or blamed her for being the cause of her own rape, fuck you and check yourself stupid bitch. You’re just as bad as the rapist himself. I don’t care if a woman is outside naked, if she does not give you consent, she’s off limits. Thats it.

Men– men get raped too. I don’t want people to think it’s just a post about women. If a man says he doesn’t want to sleep with you and you force yourself on him. It’s rape. It’s not funny. He’s not a bitch for coming forward. Men are allowed to say no. Men are allowed to not want to have sex. Shaming a man because he comes forward about a woman raping him is weird. Not wanting to have sex is perfectly okay and other men shouldn’t think you a little bitch because it’s not something you wanted to do. Women sometimes will force a man to have unprotected sex so that they can have a baby. That’s weird too cause then when the man doesn’t want to take care of the child she raped a man to create, she gets mad. If a man doesn’t want to sleep with you, he doesn’t have to sleep with you. End of story.

I think it’s weird to even put rape and culture in the same phrase. It’s not a culture. Its a fucking crime. It shouldn’t be normalized. It shouldn’t be downplayed to make men less uncomfortable. We should never under any circumstances blame women. This isn’t a post about women who lie about rape, that’s different. This is a post about how we do the most to protect men and defend them. women shouldn’t have to change how they dress or control themselves because men are rapist.Women shouldn’t have to smile more to make men more comfortable. Men shouldn’t rape. That’s it. It’s that simple. Women have to do more work to prevent a man from being tempted to rape. It takes less work from a man to just not rape. She has a short skirt, who cares, don’t rape her. She’s passed out drunk, don’t rape her. She’s walking home alone in a dark street, don’t rape her. It is more work for her to change her entire outfit to please your creepy needs. This goes for mothers too. Stop protecting the creepy men in your home. Protect your daughters. I promise that your 11 year old is not trying to seduce your creepy ass boyfriend. Stop blaming her for it. Rape culture isn’t cool. The stories on Law and Order SVU aren’t cool. It’s sad that after so many seasons, they haven’t run out of material because men just won’t stop raping!!!!!


I’m Rossy ( Row-z ). I am a mother and a writer. Im 28 years young and im still figuring myself out, but i realllly like the woman i’m getting to know. i love all things food, sleep & wavy fits. Im not even sure where i want to take this. My need to write is so much bigger than my need to understand why.

One thought on ““But What Were you Wearing?”

  1. Go tf offfffff nena! I’m so fucking proud of you! I couldn’t agree more. Well said, well done! Love you.


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