You’ve Got A Friend In… CLT.

Making friends as an adult is hard. When we’re young, friends are forced on us. We’re in a classroom 7 hours a day with the same people. You build friendships easily. We also don’t have any responsibilities. As grown ups, we have kids, jobs, partners, so many other things that we have to make time for that friends seem to always take the back seat. I had a lot of friends back home in NYC. I went clubbing a lot and I met the friends of my friends and built forever friendships, until I had a baby, but that’s another blog for another time. I always tell my fiance that it’s crazy that I now live in a city where nobody knows how cool I used to be. I was basically a celebrity! LOL. The two years I lived in Florida, I made no friends. The few times I did go out were with friends I already had from NYC. I wanted my time in Charlotte to be different. I wanted a life outside of just being a mom and a wife. I love both roles, but I didn’t want that to be the only thing that defined me. People seemed nicer here. I met a few girls at work that I thought would be my forever friends here but they turned out to be the fakest bitches so I had to try again. I heard of an event where a bunch of people went to a spot by themselves to make friends. I have had social anxiety since becoming a mom and the thought of showing up anywhere by myself to talk to strangers and make friends induced panic attacks for weeks. I did it anyways. I got dressed, wore an outfit outside my comfort zone and told my fiance to drive me because if I drove myself I probably would’ve just stayed in the car. I got there and it was sooooo much fun I don’t know why was I even nervous. In true romyboattt fashion, here are 5 things I learned from being brave and showing up to CLT Social Club.

You’re Not The Only One– EVERYBODY wants friends. There were over 1,000 people there who,just like me,wanted to make some solid friendships. They had a group chat they created and a few hours before the event. I mentioned how nervous I was and many people were like girl, me too! There was even this really nice girl who reached out and asked for us to meet up once inside to make it easier for both of us. I wasn’t the only person in Charlotte who went alone looking to make friends. It wasn’t embarrassing, it wasn’t nerve wracking at all. It was a bunch of adults who wanted to build friendships. There is nothing embarrassing about wanting friends. Everybody wants friends as adults I don’t know why we’re shamed or told that it’s weird to want people you can hang out with.

Nobody Cares What You Look Like– I gained a lot of weight since I left NYC and in my mind, everyone hates my body just as much as I do. I promise you, nobody does. Everyone complimented my tattoos, my hair, my nails, nobody said “you’re fat I don’t want to be friends with you”. As long as your personality is kind and you’re a good person, it doesn’t matter what you look like. It may matter to you but I promise nobody else considers your looks as the determining factor in being your friend. Once I let go of that stupid thought that nobody would be my friend because of my body, I let myself just be and have a good time.

Girls Aren’t So Bad– Girls in NYC are mean. I’ve always wanted a solid group of girls as friends but in NY, it’s always a competition. It’s hard to make good friends when girls will judge you for how you look and what you wear and what you do for a living. I tried to be a girls, girl at work but those girls just used me and it didn’t work out. I met a girls girl within 10 min of being at the bar, she was so nice and so friendly. She talked to a bunch of other girls and then it was just one big group of girls who all had similar interests and who didn’t tell me how much they hated kids when I mentioned I had one. Girls who celebrated me for being engaged. Girls who complimented each other on the little things. I realized that CLT had exactly what I was looking for when it came to having girl friends. The first ones were a mistake and it broke my heart to have trusted that those girls were my friends but i’m glad that the CLT social club gave me a second chance at meeting people.

Anxiety Will Ruin The Best Days– I almost didn’t go because I was so anxious that I wouldn’t have a good time and everyone would hate me. From the moment I RSVP’d I was like oh my god, everyone is going to hate me, i’m not going to make any friends, nobody’s going to like my outfit, my hair is going to get frizzy. The worst thoughts were going thru my mind so much so that I almost missed the event and missed the opportunity to have a good time and make friends. I complained to my fiance all the time about how bad I wanted friends and I finally had the opportunity to make some and anxiety almost kept me home and I would’ve never met the amazing girls that I did if I would have listened to it. Nothing went wrong and everything was okay.

Be Yourself- A lot of times we tend to change our answers to who we are because we don’t want to be judged or laughed at. I went in there fully prepared to just tell people I was a mom and a wife and nothing else. While yes, I am very much those two things, i’m also a lot more than that. I am a writer, I am a PUBLISHED AUTHOR. I would have done a disservice to myself if I didn’t go in there and tell people that. I carry a QR code on the back of my phone with a link to purchase my book. I make jokes all the time about how bad I want to be famous and bigger than Colleen and JK but I hide who I am because I don’t think it’s good enough. Being a published author is cool as fuck. Why wouldn’t I always lead with that? What is there to be ashamed of ? Because my book isn’t a New York times best seller yet? Because i’m not a celebrity? How can I become any of those things if I don’t put myself out there? Charlotte is a city of creatives, if there was anywhere that I would feel free to be my true self, it’s here. I was just me and everyone accepted me.

CLT Social Club changed my life. I made friends and I came out of my comfort zone. Charlotte accepted me very early on. I was terrified to move here in fear that I would just be doing the same thing I was in Florida, home, bored and friendless. Everyone is so nice here. The meanest person I met was from NYC so that shows my original point that New Yorkers are mean as fuck. As an adult there’s no shame in wanting to make friends and putting yourself out there. Childhood friends grow apart and it’s okay to want to build new friendships that fit the person you are becoming now. I think once we get rid of the shame that making friends as a grown up is something you should be embarrassed about, you have an easier time building those friendships. You don’t know who you will meet. When were older we turn into the same shy kids we were on the first day of school who don’t know anybody and don’t know how to talk to the other kids and by the end of the day you’ve made your best friend for the rest of the school year. That’s what it felt like, walking into RSVP that day felt like the first day of school and by the end of it I walked away knowing girls that I plan to build great friendships with. Whether it’s a social event, bumble bff or just talking to someone while you’re out by yourself, leave the social anxiety home for a day and just try, you just never know!